What is retrograde and...how can I get one?

I was going to do a post tonight on 'subtle differences' between Alaska and California...besides the obvious. The title would have been an example of one! In California, everyone wants what the other person has...in Alaska, they don't know what they want and frankly, don't care, but are thankful when they get it!! But we will explore this another night. After giving it some deliberation, I have decided to post a piece on "retrograde". Some of you may be asking...what is a retrograde? Let me try and convey to you a basic understanding, as I have come to understand it from my astrological guru. Hopefully I don't screw it all up and disappoint her. ;) At certain times through the year, the planet Mercury goes into a retrograde. Ultimately this affects (most especially, if not possibly exclusively) Gemini's, of which I am one. This retrograde can last usually up to a couple weeks. During this time period, as well as in some cases days before as well as quit possibly days after, everything that can go wrong does. A Gemini experiences what would equate to an aggressive series of events which will test their patience, blow their minds, almost seem like a dark cloud is looming over their heads. Communication becomes an issue as you can get several different answers to one question, or sometimes find it a struggle to even get an answer at all. Problems are left open with no solution in sight. Or for example, you could make a reservation say at a hotel during your retrograde, and weeks later after your retrograde is long done, go to check in to find out that in fact you never had that reservation, or that your confirmation number doesn't even exist. I have been told to add "re" to words during retrograde. Like; recheck, reassert, redo... ect. Apparently, for reasons I can't explain, this is supposed to help. I have also been told that it is best to ignore it, to try and not fight it, be creative or build something to occupy the time. Why would an event like this occur in a Geminis life....who knows! But it does. Sometimes it will blow over and you never even know you went through a retrograde where as other times it rears its ugly head and life is a living hell for two weeks.
So some of you are probably thinking to yourselves after hearing this; "Greg has had too much Alaskan air....or rolled around in a patch of 'skunk cabbage'..." I have proof. For years I have been able to successfully pinpoint my retrogrades fairly accurately as I will see the usual patterns begin in my life, and upon calling my astrological guru will find out that it is about to begin, began, or is ending. Every freakin time. There has been times that I had a feeling I was in one, and without even mentioning it to my guru, she will tell me I am. I have no doubt it is real. So, you don't want to hear a list of all of the past weeks' events that I am REfering to. That list is too long and would exhaust too much of what little energy I have left to REiterate on it all. I will give you mere example of a couple of the latest things that have occurred in what has been my very special little retrograde in Alaska. My story goes like this:

This past Friday. My first paying 'project/job' for my new maintenance business here. Mind you, I don't have my truck yet so I have to take Maryann's Tahoe to work. The job itself has some struggles of which are not important other than you should just take my word for it. But then around mid-day, I get a call from Maryann on my cell. Her and John took the Chevelle out and it died and wont start. Now, I drive that car all of the time and never have a problem with it.....ever. But I am in retrograde. So they are stranded and have to sit and wait. For hours. Stuck. Because this is my first client and I am in the middle of the job, I just don't feel right telling him I have to go and save my stranded family...."sorry man!" So I work on, bothered by the whole thing, going over in my mind what could be wrong. Can't get there until 4:15 to rescue them, and I have to meet 'dude' a half hour back out at 5:00PM to buy my truck. The damned car wont start for me, so I call for a tow (I have AAA). They can't get out there until 6:00PM. I struggle with the beast trying to go through everything systematically of what could be wrong. Got gas to the carb, got spark to the plugs....you know. Finally at 5:30, I beat the carb with a wrench, open the throttle full, and wallah! It starts. The thing was flooded. Probably a stuck float. Mind you, in all of the years I have owned the Chevelle it has never, ever flooded out on me. Ever, never. I call AAA to cancel the tow. They say ok. So we run it and ourselves home, call 'dude' to tell him we will be there at 6:30. He says fine. I hang up with 'dude' and get a call on my cell from the tow truck driver, he's pist because we aren't there. He is. I tell him we cancelled with AAA. He calms down and says that it wouldn't be the first time AAA has failed to call in a 'cancel'. He is ok. I am ok. We meet 'dude' around 6:30 and I finally have a truck again! So then the next day, Saturday, I take my truck out and I am gleaming....a month and a half with no vehicle and I am elated to finally have one. I go out to wrap up what was left with Fridays' job at the restaurant and then go out to my clients' home to talk to him about some other work he needs done there. After that, around 1:00PM, I am driving back from Kasilof which is a very rural drive, sparse and....well, country-like. Nice drive, got some smooth tunes going, really relaxing and enjoying myself. After all, the past couple weeks have been hectic since the ferry ride, and I haven't had time to unwind. All of a fricken sudden, I see a wheel go flying past the side of my truck as I am coming to the left turn lane to Kenai, and before I can say "what the fu...." I feel a huge jolt and the deafening sound of metal scraping pavement as I come to a screeching halt in the middle of the highway. My damned wheel cut loose, came off and is now barreling down a gully, across an embankment, up the other side and heading towards the intersecting highway, as I watch in complete disbelief, soiling myself. Unbelievable! I wasn't 'fighting'. I was just driving, minding my own business. This is just a mere example of what I have been contending with lately with this retrograde. Now things like the great DSL delima...where I was told we will have DSL here in Nikiski, but since have gotten 3 different answers as to why we can't now....retrograde. The stinky water well filtration altercation....these things and others I am just hanging with, ignoring, and knowing it will all work itself through. But this....this is just 'in my face' and I have no control over it. It is mentally burning me out man. But we are extremely happy here nonetheless and there are alot of little positives popping up everywhere for us.
What became of the run away wheel you ask. Well now, that is simple. The tow truck company....you know, the one I pissed off the day before because they came all the way out to Nikiski from Soldotna to find out I wasn't there...came out from Soldotna as per AAA to tow me back into Soldotna, just a mere 10 minutes from where I am broke down and gimping, to get my mess fixed. Which was a fiasco in itself. The tow truck is broken down with a bad starter, and it is getting replaced at the service station which delays their response about an hour or more. At least that is what they tell me...remember, I pissed them off the day before! Then they get to the scene and now because the front of my truck is buried a foot into the shoulder due to no left wheel (I had to drive it off with 3 wheels to get it off the highway), he has to call his constituent back at the station to bring out another truck with a floor jack to try and get my truck up enough to get the cradle under it (sounding like the Criterion brothers, aint it). Which takes another half of an hour because...well, just because I suppose! Why else would a 10 minute run take someone 30 minutes?! Before the tow arrived I had to hike several hundred yards down the gully, across the embankment out to the side of the other highway to retrieve my wheel and roll it across the path it traversed to get it back over to my truck. (Point of interest; another subtle difference between California and Alaska. In California, if I didn't get to my stray wheel lickity-split, someone would have picked it up and taken it claiming 'finders keepers'....in Alaska everyone is stopping to ask if I need help). The wheel is disfigured and essentially wasted now. After trying in vain.....retrograde...to find a replacement I found out they don't make that style wheel anymore and I may have to buy 4 new rims. So there I was near days end with my thumb in a dark place feeling as if I just wanted to "take my ball and go home"! :/ So upon hearing all of this....do you still want a retrograde??? It's getting better. The past several days have been mellow. But. Retrograde lasts until July 7th......AAARGHHHH!
God bless and good night.