It just dawned on me last night that this is the week of Thanksgiving. As it usually seems, time has flown past and here we are again, another year of over-indulgence, family, friends, thankful reasoning and a serious sugar high to end the nights festivities. As I sit here this morning thinking of the coming risks associated with this holiday, I ask myself, what was the original reason of Thanksgiving? A day to celebrate the pilgrims faith in God, an abundant growing season and their survival of their first brutal winter in New England. Hmmmm. The pilgrims who escaped the tyrannical grips of England to set forth with a new and free society independent of heavy handed rule. Now, it may just be that it has been a long and busy month for me and being that I am relaxing today, my mind may be waning a tad. But isn’t it kind of ironic that on the holiday most Americans associate with food, freedom and celebration, that many of us will be subjected to heavy handedness….or a light touch if you elect the personal groping… if we choose to travel via the airways? Hmmmm.
But fear not, the courageous, all knowing and unwavering leader of our nation has assured us that we 'need' to subject ourselves to this unwarranted personal molestation to “assure the safety of our fellow airline passengers“! Since you really have no choice in the matter, you might as well have a little fun while doing it. In the name of tomfoolery, the worst that will happen is they will jail you temporarily as a terrorist suspect. But when they realize the obvious….that you were just being a jackass…they will more than likely only fine you heavily and put you on a no-fly list. Here are a few of my recommendations to make a TSA operatives’ day:
- Pack a 3 ounce bottle of Vaseline (contained in a zip lock baggie to follow regs) in a readily available carry on bag…..you’ll more than likely need it!
- Ladies, test the intellect of your TSA cavity search associate. Stuff a tightly bundled sock in your pants….this will certainly jolt them back to life. Look for their reaction….it should be priceless.
- Men, go out and get that prescription of Viagra before your departure. Make sure to take a couple of pills 45 minutes before going through the security checkpoint. This is one time you may appreciate an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours!
- If you choose the full body scan, insist that you be able to where your lead lined body suit. Did you know that the odds of developing cancer form these “safe” scanners is likely greater than the possibility of being hijacked on a plane?! But then again we are poisoning our bodies daily by the food we eat, so what does it all matter anyway?!
Some rogue groups have stated they will assemble a nationwide protest by conducting a national “opt-out day” during this Thanksgiving travel holiday. What is the point? Your just gonna piss off the people behind you in line and one of them may end up having the seat behind you on the plane. The increased tension as a result of all this will make the entire flying experience memorable. If you want to really stick it to the man….stop flying! If everyone in the nation decided just not to fly this Thanksgiving holiday, imagine the financial loss that the airline industry and all associated parties would experience. Do that a few times in a year and someone most certainly would find a way to reconsider how the TSA conducts it’s security interrogations and invasive tactics. But….nobody wants to do that! It would be an inconvenience to everybody not being able to fly this Thanksgiving holiday. So, in the name of the safety of all air passengers, just like he stated it would be….,get up there on that pedestal show some pride and shake your wee wee! Hell, most people are walking around half naked most of the time these days anyway…so what is the big deal!
What it all comes down to is that this is just another chip off of the old block of personal freedom and another way for the government to control your life. Isn’t this what we all stated that we wanted back in 2008?! Get up there and shake your wee wee! Those of us who chose to sit home and watch all the fuss from afar will be thankful we did!
In all seriousness though, we wish everyone a happy, safe, and uneventful Thanksgiving! Although there is plenty of cynicism in this post, there are a couple of points not to be taken litely; reasonable cooperation and personal freedom. This year I will be thankful for my personal freedom, and for all those who have made it clear through their efforts and personal sacrifices that freedom is the foundation of our country. God Bless America!